Monday, February 9, 2009


I can be an emotional person. I often tie lyrics of songs back to my life. Back to things I cherish and want to remember. Our song was on the radio yesterday. I used to listen to it. It fit the first few years of our life together so well. That song brought back memories of firsts. First meetings, first kisses, first I love you, first night together. It usually brings back memories of him holding me in his arms, swaying back and forth, the music the only thing we hear, swaying perfectly in tune with each other, but not at all in tune with the music. It usually reminds me of him. His smell. His arms. His eyes. Those things bring me hurt now. They make me cry, they make me wish we had that again. They make me fall deeper. I can't feel like that. I don't want to feel like that. I want to feel him, his arms, smell him, look into his eyes. But I can't. I don't know if I ever will again. I turned the song off. Then I threw away the CD.


  1. I am the same way w/ some songs..

    I was sent her by a friend of yours..

    I can see so much that is close to what I went thru a year ago...
    feeling like you are skimming thru your life...wanting what you used to have..
    what helped me, therapy.
    and meds..

    and knowing that you *can't* make things how they used to can only build new things...
    the fact that you *still* have those feelings, miss them & want them again?
    To me that says a thousand words.
    start hour at a time if you have to!

  2. You are definitly not alone sweetheart. I understand completely because am in a simalar spot where my wife and I do not speak because the words that follow conversation hurt too much. I hurry home every day from work hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the lights glow I so desperately want to touch fades just out of reach by the hatred that egulfs the air. And so goes the days. I often seek solitude to collect my thoughts, and it helps, but only for a short time. Believe in you, believe in him..... but most of all try. It can't get fixed by itself. god bless