Friday, February 6, 2009

Lost and Falling

There is a bar in the city I live called The Safehouse. In order to get into the bar you have to know the password. If you don't you are put on camera and made to wear a grass skirt, coconut bra, and do the hula. The camera feeds into the bar where your friends and everyone else is laughing at you. The password is I'm looking for a safehouse.

That is me right now. I feel like I have gotten to a place in my life where I am falling and I need a safe harbor to help me out. I feel like everyone I know is sitting inside watching me and I am lost looking for my way in. I am 28 years old and my life has not gone the way I wanted it to go. My relationship with my husband is shaky. I don't know how much longer we will last. We are in debt up to our eye balls and I don't know how to get out. I have two kids who I have no patience for. I feel like I yell too much. I have built this persona of myself. I have lead everyone in my life to believe I am so put together, we live a wonderful life, we love each other, we have amazing kids. We don't. We hardly speak to each other and I am falling apart.

I need something. I need to speak what I am feeling. I need someone to hear me yell and cry and I need to get it out of my head. This is my someone.

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