I canceled dinner. I just can't fake it anymore. I can't pretend to be happy in front of friends and then sink back into the abyss. Alone, dark, sad, and falling deeper. I can't be Dr Jekyll and Hr Hyde anymore. Of course, I lied. I didn't say we aren't getting along. I didn't say we aren't going to make it. I said I didn't feel well. I didn't think I could get out of bed. I don't want to get you sick. Maybe we can reschedule? Talk to you later.
I should have kept the plans. Now my night will be shrouded in anger. Held down by the things we need to say but just don't. Held down by everything we have said in the past and shouldn't have. Held in limbo. Waiting for the end to come. Waiting for someone to finally say I'm done. This is unfair. It is unfair to us and our kids and it is time to end it. It is time to move on and try to salvage what is left of out lives. Time to say good bye.